You're growing big and strong. They are saying 3 pounds, 7 ounces. Keep it up buddy! You gotta be strong for your surgeries! :)
Mee Maw is in the hospital. I found her in her chair on Monday, nearly unresponsive. Her temperature spiked, her pulse soared, her blood pressure went down and her kidneys stopped working in a matter of hours...It was scary. This is the 3rd time this has happened. We are hoping for the best but we aren't sure that her body can take this again. I'm just sitting here, calling the hospital each day to make sure she's still ok. She's very critical but they've said she wouldn't make it before and she did. She's a strong woman...She can beat this again.
So many friends of mine are talking about buying baby stuff for their babies. All their babies are healthy. They will be able to take their babies home after 2 days...It wasn't supposed to be like this. We planned on having you at home. We planned on leaving you out of the medical community. No shots, no circumcision, no nothing. You'll still remain intact...Momma will make sure no one cuts your penis...But dammit, you're gonna be pumped full of medications and shit. It kills me. (I say bad words...But you won't read this until you're way older anyway...Plus, if you hear Mom and Dad, you know we have potty mouths anyway.) Anyway...I see everyone posting pictures of their baby stuff and saying they're going shopping for stuff...I can't help but be jealous. We aren't shopping for you. Not because we don't want to, but because I don't know what you'll need exactly when you come home. I have to weigh out your needs versus the things I want. I saw so many cute things I wanted to buy for us. Wraps so I could keep you close, cloth diapers...But those things have to wait...Because I don't know what size you'll wear or if you'll even make it home. I'd like to think you're gonna come home soon but I can't bear to think that if something should happen, I'd have to take all that stuff back to the store. I don't know. I'm trying not to be negative. I am positive and hopeful...But there is always a chance things won't turn out right.
I'm also sick of the 'Well, maybe it isn't as bad as they think' 'Maybe his heart will grow and he won't need surgery' lines. I wish...But I keep getting told this is a bad case. The docs are being realistic. No, his heart won't grow. It's as developed as it is gonna get. I'd love to say maybe you won't need surgery...But I know better. The only way you won't need surgery is if you don't survive until the surgery. :(
Ok. Enough negativity...I'm gonna go try to clear my head. See you in a few weeks!!! We're down to 10 but the doctors are saying they'd like you here around October 1st.
I love you so much already!!!
Love,
Mommy
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