Little Man,

Hey there handsome dude! :) I can say that now because I know what you look like already. We had another ultrasound. As much as I hate the idea of having to have so many of these things, it is nice to see you.

So here's the scoop: The doctors are very concerned but optimistic. Your aorta is very tiny and your left ventricle is severely tiny as well. They said it is going to take a lot to fix you up but they feel like they can do it. Basically, we are just gonna hope and pray that things go well. I mean, afterall, if they didn't think you would make it, they'd tell us right?

Things I have to remember to ask: What size is your aorta in millimeters? Do they think your septum is intact? Hmmmm...I'm gonna add to that list, I know. There were other things but I will have to look at my Facebook again and see what the other Heart Mommys asked.

They say you weigh 1 pound 15 ounces. That puts you in the 27th percentile for weight. I was hoping for a chunker. It looks like we might not get that seeing as how you only have a 2 vessel cord. But the doctors didn't seem too worried about it and it apparently doesn't have any effect on your prognosis.

Mommy is adamant about making sure you get breastmilk. I sucked at pumping for Z-Man. But hopefully, I make enough this time for you. If not, I asked the neonatologist if I could get my own donor milk. She told me no. I'm doing it anyway. I do not want you having formula. Breastmilk, even from another mother, is better than formula. I'll have to discuss this with the lactation consultant.

You got tons of people praying for you Luka. You can make it. I know it!

Meemaw had her pup Diesel at the vet yesterday. Well, Roscoe AND Diesel. Roscoe has bronchitis. Diesel has cancer. Diesel is a wonderful doggy. It's really sad that he's so sick. I like that big old dog a bunch. :(

Your brothers...Man are they ridiculous. I remember when I was a kid, I couldn't WAIT to wake up and go outside. I see little kids running around outside at 7-8am until 10-11pm around here...But Ashton...He just wants to sleep. Really dude? Wake up and enjoy life! Zephyr, as much as I love him, he's driving me nuts with his obsession with everyone needing to wear shoes all the time. Makes me wonder what you'll be like as a toddler and as a 10 year old. :) Betcha you'll drive me just as crazy as your brothers. In all seriousness, I really love my boys so so much. Being made insane is just part of being a parent. :)

Enclosed is a picture of your face (kinda). You kept shoving your face into the placenta and kept putting your hand over your face. Silly baby. Oh, and you look so much like your brother Z. :) I think that's neat!

Love you bunches!!!
Mommy

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One Month...

It has been one month since you were diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, Little Luka...One month yesterday, my whole world stopped. I couldn't blog this because we were celebrating Father's Day...And I didn't have the words...

Daddy felt you kick for the first time on Father's Day...One month after your diagnosis. It was pretty cool. :) Daddy thought it was neat.

I keep meeting up with all these Mommy's online that have sick kiddos. I keep thinking how awful it must be to have a baby in the hospital hooked up to all those machines...How scary it must be for those parents and those poor little babies...And then reality sets in. I'm gonna be in that position in a few months. I'm going to be that worried Mommy who won't leave your bedside for days because I want to take in every precious second I have with you. I watched a video on YouTube of a mommy holding her baby that they knew only had hours to live because he had Anancephaly. (I think that's how it is spelled.) And all I could do was cry...And say 'I don't want to hold my baby as he dies. I can't lose my Luka. He can't pass away.' I'm crying even now...My heart sank. I can't imagine that Mommy and Daddy's feelings as they held their baby boy while he took his final breaths. What that little boy had was way more severe than what you have. His is a brain and skull deformation, yours is a heart problem. His condition meant certain death. Your condition can be fixed.

We go down to Pittsburgh on June 27th to meet up with the doctors and to get another ultrasound. Then August 14th, you are going to get another ECHO on your heart. It's getting closer and closer. How do you even prepare for something like this?

Mommy and Daddy have yet to set up your room. I wonder some days if we even should set up your room because we don't know 100% for sure if you are coming home and when. Not that I don't have faith in you...I just have a whole range of emotions on my mind that vary day to day. I'm sure by the time it's close to delivery, I'll be putting the final touches on your room. :) It just takes time to absorb all these things.

I think you know I'm blogging because you're wiggling like crazy in my belly. :) Mommy loves you so so much!

I have so much more to say but for now, I'm gonna post this and go play with your brothers for a bit and then make dinner.

Love you!!
<3 Mommy
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Luka,

Sorry Mommy has been gone for so long. I just haven't had the time to sit down and write this. We finally moved into our big house! :) It's so nice here. I can't wait until you come home and see it. Things are really starting to come together here. I betcha you'll like it too.

Nothing really new to report here. We were going to go to Philadelphia for your care but after weighing the options, we decided Pittsburgh was the better choice for everyone. We want to be closer to our family and friends because support is very crucial through all of this. We are a very close family. I talk to your Mee Maw on a daily basis just about and being 6 hours away from her would kill me. I have a ton of friends who can come rescue me if I need a break from the hospital for a while that live close to Children's. I know the area...Your brother's school will be more accessible. And Dr. Sherman is an amazing doctor. He may not be the nicest guy in the world but he has a very difficult job. I can't expect the guy to be all happy-go-lucky as he is sitting there telling parents their unborn child has a serious heart condition.

You're in good hands Baby Boy. I love you so very much! Keep getting stronger and growing bigger. I'll update again real soon. Tomorrow, we have a midwife appointment. Our first since your diagnosis. :) Wonder what Miss Cheryl and Miss Jan have to say? I'll let ya know.

Love,
Mommy
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