One Month...

It has been one month since you were diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, Little Luka...One month yesterday, my whole world stopped. I couldn't blog this because we were celebrating Father's Day...And I didn't have the words...

Daddy felt you kick for the first time on Father's Day...One month after your diagnosis. It was pretty cool. :) Daddy thought it was neat.

I keep meeting up with all these Mommy's online that have sick kiddos. I keep thinking how awful it must be to have a baby in the hospital hooked up to all those machines...How scary it must be for those parents and those poor little babies...And then reality sets in. I'm gonna be in that position in a few months. I'm going to be that worried Mommy who won't leave your bedside for days because I want to take in every precious second I have with you. I watched a video on YouTube of a mommy holding her baby that they knew only had hours to live because he had Anancephaly. (I think that's how it is spelled.) And all I could do was cry...And say 'I don't want to hold my baby as he dies. I can't lose my Luka. He can't pass away.' I'm crying even now...My heart sank. I can't imagine that Mommy and Daddy's feelings as they held their baby boy while he took his final breaths. What that little boy had was way more severe than what you have. His is a brain and skull deformation, yours is a heart problem. His condition meant certain death. Your condition can be fixed.

We go down to Pittsburgh on June 27th to meet up with the doctors and to get another ultrasound. Then August 14th, you are going to get another ECHO on your heart. It's getting closer and closer. How do you even prepare for something like this?

Mommy and Daddy have yet to set up your room. I wonder some days if we even should set up your room because we don't know 100% for sure if you are coming home and when. Not that I don't have faith in you...I just have a whole range of emotions on my mind that vary day to day. I'm sure by the time it's close to delivery, I'll be putting the final touches on your room. :) It just takes time to absorb all these things.

I think you know I'm blogging because you're wiggling like crazy in my belly. :) Mommy loves you so so much!

I have so much more to say but for now, I'm gonna post this and go play with your brothers for a bit and then make dinner.

Love you!!
<3 Mommy
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry