Little Luka,

You are little...That's a problem. They are saying you are about 6 pounds 6 ounces  and while that seems good, apparently it isn't big enough. Mommy was scared yesterday at the doctor appointment because the doctor was talking about how you aren't growing in my belly the way you should and that while my chosen date of October 1st is reasonable to be induced, they want to really monitor you closely because if you aren't responding well to being in my belly, they want you out immediately so they can make sure you are healthy enough for surgery. This makes me sad. It makes me feel like my body is failing. My body couldn't make a healthy baby and It can't grow a sick baby the right way. I'm really upset with myself right now. Yeah...this has definitely been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. Especially lately because we are so close to meeting you.

I was gonna keep updating this blog for you after you are born. I still am...But I'm gonna be extra careful about how I do things. You see Luka, the world is full of not so good people who like to use stories like ours to make money for themselves. People are stealing stories and photos of other sick babies and asking for money and other things. I don't want anyone stealing your pictures or your story so instead of showing the world what a little warrior you are, I'm going to keep your journey fairly private and only allow trusted friends and family to share these times with us. It is my job to protect you and part of that includes making sure no one uses you and your amazing journey for their greed. It's so sad I can't share your story with the world. I wanted people to understand HLHS and CHD's and now, I just can't bring myself to allow people into our lives for fear they will use you. You don't deserve that.

I got to see Karen...She is the lady that caught your tiny heart. She was devastated and wondered how things turned out so when I went to the office for a Non Stress Test, she and I hugged and cried together. She is one of the most sweet ladies. And when you are born, I am gonna take pictures of you up for her to see. I'm also gonna keep her updated on your journey. If It weren't for her then we'd have never known your heart was tiny.

Well baby boy...We will see you VERY soon. I love you so so very much. Keep fighting little dude.

Here is a picture of your adorable face. You look JUST LIKE your brother Zephyr. So handsome.